Overcoming the Natural Man

Mosiah 3:19 says, “For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.”

One of the great tests of mortality is to overcome the Natural Man.  When I think of the “natural man” I think of characteristics such as selfishness, anger, lust, pride, and disobedience to the commandments.  All of these characteristics can be extremely detrimental to relationships, both romantic and friendships.  I have seen how these character traits have torn apart couples who started out their relationships very strongly.  It is all too easy to get lazy and start to let the natural man take over.  In John Gottman’s book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, he talks about the “4 horsemen of marriage”.  The 4 horsemen are criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling.  All of these things are characteristics of the natural man.  Satan tries so hard to get us to give in to the natural man tendencies to be self-centered and prideful as well as to criticize others.  He knows that if he can get you started down the path of wickedness by doing small, seemingly insignificant things, it will be much easier to tempt you later on. 

When we don’t allow natural man tendencies to become prevalent in our lives and align our lives with what God wants for us, we will be blessed.  In a BYU devotional in October 2017, Elder Carl B. Cook of the Seventy said, “Blessings do come as we submit our will to Heavenly Father, and the more fully we submit our will to Him, the richer the blessings will be. They may not be the blessings we expect, but they will always be the blessings we need.”  Working to submit our will to the will of God will be a constant daily battle.  I have seen in my past relationships how not submitting my will to the will of God set me up for failure.  I tried to talk myself into doing things that I knew wouldn’t bring me happiness in the long run, but I really wanted them now!  That is another characteristic of the natural man.  The natural man seeks instant gratification without thought of the consequences that may come.  I know that as we seek to overcome the natural man, our lives will become more focused on God and our relationships will improve.  Overcoming the natural man will not be instant and it will take work and a lot of time, but it will be well worth it in the end.

Eternal Marriage

Since I was little, I have been taught that I should always strive to be sealed in the temple to a worthy priesthood holder.  As I have gotten older, this has continued to be a very strong desire in my life.  I’m going to get real here for a minute and share something that is very personal.  I recently ended a relationship with a man that I really did love.  He was extremely important to me and we had grown very close.  He had my engagement ring and was ready to propose to me.  I was prepared to say yes to him.  The thing is though, we weren’t going to get married in the temple.  We both made some choices throughout the course of our relationship that we needed to talk to our bishops about.  I’m not saying that I am perfect in this situation, but I went straight to my bishop while he did not.  Eventually, he decided that he didn’t care about changing and ultimately that is why I broke up with him (although there is more to the situation).  It was (and still is) extremely hard but I know I made the right choice. 

As I’ve reflected on the choices I’ve made in the past months, I have been surprised at the amount of influence I have let Satan have in my life.  In his talk, Marriage is Essential to His Eternal Plan, Elder Bednar said, “Satan works unremittingly to confuse understanding about gender, to promote the premature and unrighteous use of procreative power, and to hinder righteous marriage precisely because marriage is ordained of God and the family is central to the plan of happiness. The adversary’s attacks upon eternal marriage will continue to increase in intensity, frequency, and sophistication.”  The end is what really stood out to me, “The adversary’s attacks upon eternal marriage will continue to increase in intensity, frequency, and sophistication.”   I have experienced this in my own life.  I was tempted in ways that I never thought existed.  Satan knows what he is doing.  He has a lot of experience.  We MUST do all that we can to fortify our lives against the attacks of the adversary. 

While breaking up with this man that I loved was extremely hard, I know that ultimately, it would have been harder to raise a family with him because of his lack of commitment to God.  I want my children to be raised to love God and I want to have a husband who will be my equal partner in teaching them.  I loved how Elder Bednar used the example of the “marriage triangle” in his talk.

This has become an important principle to me.  I know that if a husband and wife are both devoted to God and continually strengthen their relationship with Him, they will be able to grow closer to each other as well.  It is so important that husbands and wives are equal partners in a marriage, and each is willing to give 100% to making the marriage work.  I know without a doubt that when we put God first in our lives, things really do work out the way that they are supposed to.  I’ve had to learn this the hard way throughout my life but I know that it’s true. 

Defending Traditional Marriage

In 2015, the Supreme Court ruled to legalize same-sex marriage. To be completely honest, I never really cared to do any research about the case (Obergefell v. Hodges).  As I was reading the summary of the case, there were many things that stood out to me, both from the justices that were for the legalization of same-sex marriage, as well as from the justices who dissented.  I feel that it is very important that we are all informed about the issues that are relevant in society today.  It is easy to develop an opinion without doing the proper research.  Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf said, “Never in the history of the world have we had easier access to more information—some of it true, some of it false, and much of it partially true. Consequently, never in the history of the world has it been more important to learn how to correctly discern between truth and error.” Elder James E. Talmage quoting a newspaper article said, “The man who cannot listen to an argument which opposes his views either has a weak position or is a weak defender of it. No opinion that cannot stand discussion or criticism is worth holding. And it has been wisely said that the man who knows only half of any question is worse off than the man who knows nothing of it. He is not only one sided, but his partisanship soon turns him into an intolerant and a fanatic. In general, it is true that nothing which cannot stand up under discussion and criticism is worth defending.”

It is important that we seek learning and knowledge from credible sources and develop an opinion that we can respectfully share with others.  We also need to be willing to listen to people who have differing opinions from us.  We should try to understand where they are coming from and give them respect.  We don’t have to agree with what other people believe, but we can still love them and show them kindness.  As the views and laws of the world are continually getting farther and farther from God’s laws, we must be willing to stand up for what we believe in and what we know to be correct.  One of my favorite quotes from the dissenting Supreme Court Justices said, “The Court invalidates the marriage laws of more than half the States and orders the transformation of a social institution that has formed the basis of human society for millennia, for the Kalahari Bushmen and the Han Chinese, the Carthaginians and the Aztecs. Just who do we think we are?”  The traditional, (and true) definition of marriage as being between a man and a woman has been around for thousands of years.  We must continually stand up for and be advocates for traditional marriage.

Divorce

Dallin H. Oaks gave a talk entitled Divorce. In it, he said, “In one way or another, divorce touches most families in the Church.”  And I think we can add that it touches most families who aren’t members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as well.  It may not touch you through an immediate family member, but most people have an aunt, uncle, or cousin (or really close friend) that has been divorced or is currently going through a divorce.  It is hard to see the pain that they endure.  I don’t believe that anyone (in their right mind) goes into a marriage believing that it will end in divorce.  What would be the point of getting married in the first place?  

In society today, divorce has become more and more prominent.  Spencer W. Kimball said in a General Conference address, “The time will come when only those who believe deeply and actively in the family will be able to preserve their families in the midst of the gathering evil around us.”  Satan is working to attack families more than ever before because he knows that the family is central to Gods plan of happiness.  He works to distort the way we see things and blinds us to the consequences of our actions.  We have to be willing to stand up for what we believe in and be able to convey our thoughts to others when they have questions. 

According to The State of our Unions, while the national divorce rate may be fifty percent, for most people it is much lower.  There are several factors that have been found to decrease the chance for divorce.  They include having an annual income of more than $50,000, being affiliated with a religion, having parents that are still married, having a college degree and waiting an average of seven months after marriage to have children (p 74).  While some of these factors are out of our control, most of them are completely in our hands.  In my opinion, the most important factor in avoiding divorce is having a relationship with God.  When a husband and wife are both continually striving to draw closer to God, they will grow closer to each other as well.  I know that God will help strengthen marriages so long as husbands and wives are both trying their hardest to live righteously and strengthen their relationships with him and each other.