The LAST blog post of the semester!!!

         I was only in eighth grade when my first sibling got married.  I only had one sister growing up so I was more than thrilled to be gaining another one when they got married!  Since then two of my other siblings have gotten married and I have been blessed with some pretty amazing sisters in law and an awesome brother in law.  Since I’m not married myself, I don’t have a lot of experience with in laws other than my siblings’ spouses.  I have heard many horror stories about in laws though.  My sisters in law and my brother in law have just become more siblings to love.  I really liked the quote from chapter 37 of Helping and healing our families: Principles and practices inspired by "The Family: A Proclamation to the World".  It said, “…it means a great deal for an in-law to be referred to by siblings simply as “my brother” or “my sister” rather than always being labeled as in-laws.” (2005, pg 331) Three days after I graduated from high school, I had the great blessing to be able to move in with my sister in law and nephew while my brother had to be away doing an internship.  While it was a hard situation for my brother and his wife, I feel so lucky that I was able to develop such a strong relationship with my sister in law.  She still calls me regularly just to talk and make sure that I’m doing okay.  

      When my second brother got married, things were a little different.  His wife is equally as awesome as my other brother’s wife, I was just a bratty teenager.  I fell into the trap of comparing my two sisters in law and I ended up making things a little rough for a while.  Luckily, I grew up and have since developed a great relationship with both of my brothers’ wives.  Another quote I really liked from Helping and healing our families: Principles and practices inspired by "The Family: A Proclamation to the World" said, “siblings can do much to help new in-laws feel included.  Writing letters, making phone calls that include both sibling and new spouse, and doing activities with the new spouse to increase feelings of belonging.” (2005, pg 332) I’m so grateful for my family, both those who were born into it as well as those who have come into it through marriage.  What a blessing it is to be able to be with them forever because of the temple and the ordinances that are performed there. 

Saying No

When I was in high school, I was like any other teenager.  I thought I deserved everything.  I remember numerous fights and arguments with my parents when they told me I couldn’t do something.  Fast forward a couple years to my first semester of college.  I was talking to my dad one day and I remember telling him how grateful I was that he and my mom did have the back bone to tell me no.  It is so important that parents are willing to be the “bad guys” sometimes in order for their children to understand their place.  I’m the 6^th of 8 kids so as my parents have gotten older, they have not been as strict and I’ve definitely seen the way that has affected my two younger brothers.  They have absolutely no respect for my parents and do whatever they want, even when my parents ask them not to.  I loved the quote that Richard Miller shared from Joe J. Christensen in Who Is the Boss? Power Relationships in Families.  He said,

“Do not be afraid to set clear moral standards and guidelines. Be sure to say no when it is needed. As Dr. John Rosemond counseled: “Give your children regular, daily doses of Vitamin N. This vital nutrient consists simply of the most character-building two-letter word in the English language––‘'No’ . . . Unfortunately, many, if not most, of today’s children suffer from Vitamin N deficiency. They have been over-indulged by well-meaning parents who have given them far too much of what they want and far too little of what they truly need.” (2008)

It frustrates me to see my younger brothers disrespect my parents and it is even more frustrating that my parents seem to do nothing about it.  It’s easy to say that I will do things differently when I become a parent, but I honestly have no idea what it’s really like to be in the position that my parents are in right now. 

Intimacy in Marriage

I really appreciated the readings for this week.  I grew up in a home where sex was never mentioned.  Ever.  Not that I knew nothing.  I grew up on a cattle ranch so I knew where babies came from.  It just drove me crazy that my parents never talked about anything.  Then, fast forward a few years to being in young women’s, all that ever got talked about was how sex is bad.  I know that counsel came from a place of love, but it did anything but help.  I really loved what Brent A. Barlow said in They Twain Shall Be One: Thoughts on Intimacy in Marriage. 

“Why does something so beautiful sometimes become a source of so many problems? Part of the difficulty stems from mistaken ideas. Some people still believe that sexual intimacy is a necessary evil by which we have children. These people get an inaccurate view from parents who were too embarrassed to discuss such matters with their children or who were so concerned that their children live the law of chastity that they taught only the negative consequences of the improper use of intimacy.” (1986)

Growing up the way I did has helped me to see ways I want to do things differently when I have a family.  It is important to discuss with your children both sides of intimacy.  The blessings that come from using it the way God intended, as well as “the improper use”.  It is important to give children a healthy view of sexuality rather than have it be viewed as a subject that isn’t discussed.  It will help them in their future marriages to be more willing and comfortable discussing intimacy with their spouses. 

Another quote that I loved from Brent A. Barlow said,

“We believe in it inasmuch as we know of the sorrow that comes from the inappropriate use of sexuality outside the realm of marriage. We are acutely aware of what the prophets, past and present, have warned in these matters. As Alma declared to his son Corianton, “Wickedness never was happiness.” (1986)

I have seen the sorrow that comes in lives of people close to me, as well as in my own life.  Satan is so good at blinding you to the consequences that come from being intimate with someone outside of marriage.  He makes you feel like there is no way things can ever be right again.  But there is.  The Atonement of Jesus Christ is that way.  Kenneth W. Matheson said, “The Savior’s Atonement not only has the power to cleanse us but also to change and purify our hearts.” (2009)  I am eternally grateful for the cleansing and healing power of the Atonement.