Distractions

There are so many distractions that we face on a daily basis that affect the way we connect with the people around us and whether or not we turn towards them or away from them.  In his book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, John Gottman said, “Very often, couples turn away from each other not out of malice, but out of mindlessness.”  No couple is perfect and no relationship is perfect but if we work to prevent distractions from causing mindlessness in our relationships, I believe that our relationships will become stronger.  One of the main distractions that I have noticed in my relationships, as well as in the relationships of people around me, is technology.  Technology can be a huge blessing.  It makes our lives much more convenient, but it also has become a form of crutch for many people.  For example, last semester, there were some issues among some of my roommates.  One of them called an apartment council but I already had plans that night.  I was extremely frustrated, but I managed to shuffle around my schedule so that I could make it to the meeting.  Things started getting heated and I pulled my phone out and completely zoned out.  Gottman said,

“Sometimes couples unconsciously use devices as self-distraction during marital conflict… Instead of leaving the room or changing the subject when a delicate marital issue arises, he or she may just shift attention to the ever-present cell phone or tablet. In such cases, the device is enabling turning away.”

I believe this is applicable to all conflicts, not just marital conflicts.  Unfortunately, I used my phone as a way to avoid the conflict that was going on around me.  It didn’t get me out of facing it, it simply made things worse.  It is a much better option to face our conflicts head on with humility and a willingness to work things out, rather than try to avoid them.  When we try to solve problems with the people closest to us, it helps to strengthen our relationships and encourages us to turn towards each other.  I think that it is important to remember to also keep God at the center of our lives as well as at the center of our relationships.  If we are actively seeking to follow Christ, we will have more humility and love in our hearts.  I love the quote that H. Wallace Goddard shared from Ezra Taft Benson in Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage.  He said,

“When we put God first, all other things fall into their proper place or drop out of our lives. Our love of the Lord will govern the claims for our affection, the demands on our time, the interests we pursue, and the order of our priorities. We should put God ahead of everyone else in our lives.” 

It can be hard to remember this at times, but I have seen the blessing that have come when I had God at the center of my life and I have experienced the pain and heartache when he wasn’t at the center of my life.