Charity

In his book, Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage, H. Wallace Goddard quotes C.S. Lewis.  He says,

“When I come to my evening prayers and try to reckon up the sins of the day, nine times out of ten the most obvious one is some sin against charity; I have sulked or snapped or sneered or snubbed or stormed. And the excuse that immediately springs to my mind is that the provocation was so sudden and unexpected: I was caught off my guard… [Yet] surely what a man does when he is taken off his guard is the best evidence for what sort of a man he is. Surely what pops out before the man has time to put on a disguise is the truth. If there are rats in the cellar you are most likely to see them if you go in very suddenly. But the suddenness does not create the rats: it only prevents them from hiding. In the same way the suddenness of the provocation does not make me an ill-tempered man: it only shows me what an ill-tempered man I am. The rats are always there in the cellar but if you go in shouting and noisily they will have taken cover before you switch on the light. Apparently the rats of resentment and vindictiveness are always there in the cellar of my soul.” (p 113-114, 2009)

This quote hit me really deeply.  I definitely needed it at this time in my life.  When I broke up with my boyfriend at the beginning of the semester, I was not the funnest person to be around.  I will admit that I sulked, snapped, sneered, snubbed and stormed on a daily basis.  I was upset and I took it out on the people around me (mostly my family).  Most of them didn’t really know the details of the situation so they just thought I was being a horrible person with no reason.  The relationship was destined to fail from the beginning, but I was too hard hearted to listen to what Heavenly Father was trying to tell me.  I completely ignored the promptings he was giving me and because of that, the relationship went down a path of destruction. 

I’m glad I went through this experience because it helped me to better understand how much my Heavenly Father really does love me and want what’s best for me.  It also helped me realize that I still have a lot of growing and improving to do in my life.  I was ready to marry the guy I was dating.  I had no idea how hard things could get because we weren’t on the same page about a lot of really important issues.  Another quote that I loved from Goddard’s book said, “It is my view that most of us have misunderstood the purpose of marriage. It is not a picnic with friends. It is more like a college education with occasional joys, lots of growth, and abundant homework.” (p 119, 2009)  Marriage isn’t easy and I’m so glad I’ve learned the things I’ve learned throughout the course of this semester to better prepare myself for the future.  It is so important that we seek to have charity and learn to love others the way that Christ loves them.